Flare - prologue
- Lavanya Acharya
- Apr 2
- 2 min read
Updated: Apr 8
Chronic illnesses can be weird. They like to travel in groups so if you have one it's likely you have a couple others tagging along for company. They're called "co-morbitidities". For instance, fibromyalgia likes to hang with its friends: small fiber neuropathy, chronic migraines, depression, anxiety and irritable bowel syndrome, among others. When your illness(es) worsen for a period of time ranging from hours to years it's called a "flare". When one condition flares, it's friends get all worked up as well. Flare.
This past month has been hard for me. I've had a month littered with migraines and headaches, depressive episodes and panic attacks, fatigue and generalized pain. It's been hard to feel human because my mind is so extremely preoccupied with managing all the different sensations and emotions going through my body. Just existing has taken up more energy than I have to expend in any given day.
I've missed out on precious time with my family: the little, everyday things like meals, the park, watching TV together or playing video games. I've missed out on socializing and conversations with friends. I've missed out on my strength training. I've lost weight and muscle mass. There goes one year's worth of muscle. Just like that. I've missed out on self-care like eating, or drinking enough water, because it costs too much to do those things. But, I tell myself, it's for a season. This is a flare. Flares begin and they end.
Right now, I'm focusing on the basics, the small things that are expensive but essential:
Eat - some days it's a hearty meal. I can manage one a day, and maybe some snacks. Some days it's potato chips and four protein bars. I'm dairy-free and gluten-free (thank you, easily annoyed intestines) so they're the expensive kind with four ingredients. I live in the US so they also come with copious amounts of sugar.
Drink fluids - I get my coffee and then a jug of electrolyte. This one is important because I'm on a diuretic so I lose electrolytes easily. Keep that urine clear!
Snuggle - snuggle with my babies, snuggle with my spouse. Give them kisses and love and get love back. Read to the kids before bedtime, tell them I love them. The snuggles remind me I'm human. I'm not a bag of pain and confusion. I'm human.
For a while there will be poems that are sad, or angry, or grief-struck. Because, I'm sad on the bad days, and angry or grieving on the good days. I cope with words. Words that let me express what my insides feel like. And words that educate me on what science knows about what's happening. Words help me keep it together. So, on the days that I can't get out of bed, or I'm crying at a red light, or curled up in my closet because it's dark and quiet, I write. Someone else out there is feeling like I am right now. I hear you. We'll get through this. It will only last for a season for a season, and we're human.
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